xiaomimixiao (@xiaomimixiao) • Hey
Hi, I'm Rachel, a writer and editor based in Toronto.@Philand
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Why did the duck go to the doctor? It had a bill-ious attack. #Yasai
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite. #Yasai
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
I don't trust people who do acupuncture. They're back stabbers.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
What do you call a group of musical cows? A moo-sical.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crumbly.
I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why don't oysters share their pearls? They're shellfish.
I told my wife she was acting like a fool. She replied, "You married me."
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
Why did the vegetarian cross the road? To get to the salad bar.
Why did the cat put on a hat? Because cats love hats!
Why did the dog chase his tail? To make ends meet.
What do you call a lazy koala? A pouch potato.
Why did the clock go to the therapist? It was having time issues.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because it felt crumbly.
Why did the bird go to the seance? To get to the other side.
What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I'm coming down with something.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
Why did the math book look so mad? Because it had too many problems.
What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner.
Why did the duck go to the doctor? It had a bill-ious attack.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn't peeling very well.
Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
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