winthrop946 (@winthrop946) • Hey
winthrop946 (@winthrop946) • Hey
Publications
- Chuck Norris eats lightning and shits out thunder.
- 'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
- Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe with eleven herbs and spices. Nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
- Chuck Norris doesn't do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts.
- Chuck Norris plays pool with comets and astroids. He shoots them into black holes.
- When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
- What many people dont know is Chuck Norris is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath.
- It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.
- Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
- It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
- The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.
- Once death had a near Chuck Norris experience.
- Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
- Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
- Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
- Chuck Norris is actually the front man for Apple. He let's Steve Jobs run the show when he's on a mission. Chuck Norris is always on a mission.
- We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions and have them return.
- It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
- To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
- In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.
- Chuck Norris can remember the future.
- Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
- Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
- Chuck Norris puts sunglasses on to protect the sun from his eyes.
- Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
- The 11th commandment is ?Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris? This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.