wells871 (@wells871) • Hey
wells871 (@wells871) • Hey
Publications
- According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.
- Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder because his roundhouse kicks are recognized as "acts of God."
- Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
- Chuck Norris's brain waves are suspected to be harmful to cell phones.
- Chuck Norris' penis is a third degree blackbelt, and an honorable 32nd-degree mason.
- Chuck Norris can make fire using two ice cubes.
- An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.
- Chuck Norris can lock a safe and keep the key inside it.
- Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
- Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
- When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
- Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
- Chuck Norris programs occupy 150% of CPU, even when they are not executing.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
- Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use web standards as the web will conform to him.
- James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need an OS.
- There is no April 1st in Chuck Norris' calendar, because no one can fool him.
- How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.
- "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.
- Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
- Chuck Norris can win in a game of Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun.
- Chuck Norris solved the Travelling Salesman problem in O(1) time. Here's the pseudo-code: Break salesman into N pieces. Kick each piece to a different city.
- Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
- The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.