warner262 (@warner262) • Hey
warner262 (@warner262) • Hey
Publications
- Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.
- Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
- Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
- Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.
- Chuck Norris doesn't age, because time cannot keep up with him.
- Chuck Norris can make onions cry.
- Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
- Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
- The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.
- With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
- Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use reflection, reflection asks politely for his help.
- Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.
- Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
- All browsers support the hex definitions #chuck and #norris for the colors black and blue.
- Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground
- Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
- Chuck Norris types with one finger. He points it at the keyboard and the keyboard does the rest.
- Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris"
- A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
- Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
- Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
- Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
- Chuck Norris plays pool with comets and astroids. He shoots them into black holes.
- The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"