tucker748 (@tucker748) • Hey
tucker748 (@tucker748) • Hey
Publications
- Chuck Norris already went to Moon and Mars, that's why there are no signs of life.
- Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.
- Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
- Chuck Norris doesn't do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts.
- Chuck Norris never has to build his program to machine code. Machines have learnt to interpret Chuck Norris code.
- Chuck Norris can stand on his head. His dick-head.
- Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always answers "Two seconds till". After you ask "Two seconds to what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
- Chuck Norris knows the value of NULL, and he can sort by it too.
- Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
- Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
- All arrays Chuck Norris declares are of infinite size, because Chuck Norris knows no bounds.
- Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.
- Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
- Archaeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
- In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"
- Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.
- Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a documentary.
- After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
- Chuck Norris can make a class that is both abstract and final.
- In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
- Chuck Norris sits at the stand-up.
- Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.
- The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.