The Rug | Crypto News (@therugofficial) • Hey
Web3’s mostly credible news source. We take money, seriously. #TheRug #TheRugNews 🗞
Publications
- PREMIUM — Bitcoin Halving Will Take Half Your Money, Experts Say
"...these academics unearthed data that will definitely break your Bitcoin bank."
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https://paragraph.xyz/@therugnews/halving
#Bitcoin #TheRug
- MARKETS — Bitcoin be Double Dipping Like It was George Costanza
#TheRug #Bitcoin
- BREAKING — 2024 Bitcoin Halving Brought to You by Blackrock
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- BUSINESS — CEO of Bitcoin Steps Down Amidst Drug Controversy
“This blockchain bombshell rocked laser eyes to the core, causing them to question...”
Get the full scoop 🍨👀👇
https://paragraph.xyz/@therugnews/ceo-of-bitcoin
#TheRug #Bitcoin
- EDUCATION — Learn How to Restake Your Restaked Liquid Stake Staked ETH in 11 Easy Steps
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- BREAKING — SEC Chair Gary Gensler Spearheading Anti-Unicorn Campaign
#TheRug #Uniswap
- BREAKING — Total Solar Eclipse Still Has Nothing on LUNA Eclipse
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- NEWSLETTER — The Rug's Mostly Credible Inbox Fodder #25
🥸 Craig Wright claims he is Tupac Shakur
💵 Scrooge McDuck denounces Bitcoin
🏆 HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu wins big
#TheRug 🗞️🍨👇
https://paragraph.xyz/@therugnews/newsletter-25
- STUDY — Bitcoin Halving Will Take Half Your Money, Experts Say
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- FINANCE — Wall Street Shilling Dirty Drug Dealer Money
“The best profit margin since crack cocaine.”
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https://paragraph.xyz/@therugnews/drug-money…
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- OPINION — The Only Thing Hitting All-Time Highs Again is Your Slacker Nephew
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- BREAKING — Bitcoin to Resign Amidst Performance Controversy
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- POLITICS — Trump Pivots on Bitcoin, Says “It’s the greatest ever, simply the greatest. Nothing is as great.”
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- BREAKING — Bitcoin Halving Delayed Until Peace Can Be Reached in Middle East
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- BREAKING — March Badge Now Available
FREE to sub, FREE to mint.
STEP 1: Scroll to the bottom of an article 🗞️
STEP 2: Mint 🌿
STEP 3: Profits ? 💰
Easier than pumping⛽ memecoins.
https://paragraph.xyz/@therugnews/subscribe
- POLITICS — HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu Wins Democratic Primary
"In a surprising turn of events, HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu (aka BITCOIN) will be the Democratic nominee for president in 2024, and will..."
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https://paragraph.xyz/@therugnews/democratic-primary…
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- MARKETS — Bitcoin Surges Past 71k to 71.042k Ahead of Halving
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- MARKETS — Wall Street Shilling Dirty Drug Dealer Money
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- OPINION — Who Needs a House When You Can Own Memes
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- BREAKING — Heavily Discounted Pizza for All Rug Premium Subscribers
https://paragraph.xyz/@therugnews/subscribe?modal=subscribe
- PREMIUM — Scrooge McDuck Denounces Bitcoin
"It's nothing more than smoke and fun-house mirrors, a real..."
Read the full article 👇🪙
https://paragraph.xyz/@therugnews/scrooge
#Bitcoin #TheRug
- POLITICS — HarryPotterObamaSonicInu Wins Ohio Democratic Primary
#TheRug #Politics
- FAMILY — Your Grandmother Just Launched a Memecoin
#TheRug
- BREAKING — From Finance to Felon to Fashionista
"Bankman-Fried's initiative aims to bring dignity and hope to those often overlooked by mainstream society."
Get the full scoop 🍨👀👇
https://paragraph.xyz/@therugnews/felon-to-fashionista
- FINANCE — McDuck Denounces Bitcoin Citing You Can't Dive Into It
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- BROKE — Your Status, Despite All-Time Crypto Highs
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- BREAKING — ADA Soars to $ 0.75 in Bull Market
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- BREAKING — Bitcoin Stays Above $ 70k Just Long Enough to Brag About it to Your Coworkers
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- BREAKING — Bitcoin Hits ATH, Utopia Achieved
"Who needs world leaders when we have Bitcoin?"
Read the full article👀👇🍨
https://paragraph.xyz/@therugnews/bitcoin-hits-ath,-utopia-achieved
#TheRug #Bitcoin
- BREAKING — Balaji Predicts Bitcoin Becomes Self-Aware at 100K
#TheRug #Bitcoin
- FINANCE — Boomer Parents Now Own More Bitcoin Than Their Kids
"'It’s all about the long game you punk kids!' yells Buford Jones at a Bitcoin ATM thinking..."
Read the full article👀👇🍨
https://paragraph.xyz/@therugnews/bitcoin-boomer-parents
- SAFETY — Coast Guard Forecasts Record High Boating Accidents in 2024-25
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- MARKETS — Friend Who Just Accepted 'Buy Now' Advice From Six Months Ago Somehow Not Rich Yet
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- **BREAKING — February Badge Now Available**
FREE to sub, FREE to mint.
STEP 1: Scroll to the bottom of the article 📜
STEP 2: Mint 🌿
STEP 3: Profits 💵
Easy as pumping⛽memecoins. Limited time offer. Operators are standing by.
https://paragraph.xyz/@therugnews/treasury-secretary
- **LEGAL — Everyone Except for Craig Wright**
"Craig Wright was dumbfounded recently when the courtroom finally revealed that..."
Read the full article👀👇🍨
https://paragraph.xyz/@therugnews/everyone-was-satoshi
#TheRug #Bitcoin
- FASHION — Clean Lines and Simple Silhouettes Define Modern Spring Look for SBF and Crew.
#TheRug #springfashion
-
The Rug | Crypto News@TheRugNews·Feb 20INVESTIGATION — Who Is Sybil And Why Does She Keep Getting Attacked?
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- MARKETS — ETH Hits 3K, HODLers Raptured While World Burns
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- **ADVICE — Janet Yellen Consults Ghost of Ben Franklin**
"Rubbing a $ 100 bill on her forehead, Yellen smothered the image of Franklin’s face with her pale wrinkles."
Read the full article👀👇🍨https://paragraph.xyz/@therugnews/treasury-secretary
#TheRug #ustreasury
- ETFs — Boomer Parents Now Own More Bitcoin Than Their Kids
#TheRug #BitcoinETF
- MARKETS — Bitcoin Crashes to up 123% Year-to-Date Say Media Pundits
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- ADOPTION — Fartcaster Outperforming Farcaster in Users, Farts
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- CULTURE — Solana Observes Its Yearly Downtime
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- FINANCE — Bitcoin Stalls as More Suburban Moms Move Net Worth Into Big Dumb Cups
#TheRug #Stanley
- LAW — Musk's Request to Pay All X Employees in Dogecoin Rejected by Court
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- TRENDS — Coworker Beco👀mes Reluctant Crypto Adopter
"Charles was on the verge of giving up on ever getting back the twenty-two dollars he had spent paying for Eric’s..."
Read the full article👀👇
https://paragraph.xyz/@therugnews/coworker-becomes-reluctant-crypto-adopter…
- SCIENCE — Jupiter Airdrop Controversy Continues, Pluto Still Mad About Not Being a Planet
#TheRug #astronomy
- **BREAKING — This Disturbing Trend Continues**
"There just aren't enough animals on Earth. It's not sustainable. This red candle proves it."
Read the full article 👀👇 https://bit.ly/3OtElj0
#TheRug #memecoin
- NEWSLETTER — The Rug's Mostly Credible Inbox Fodder #23
🫏 Scientists Warn We'll Run Out of Animals to Memecoin
🎓 SEC Institutes Pump and Dump for Instructional Purposes
👎 Bitcoin ETF Deemed Failure as Investors Not Yet Millionaires
🍨👇https://bit.ly/3SEFqqp
- BREAKING — Midlife Crisis Resolved With Large Crypto Buy
#TheRug