sumner180 (@sumner180) • Hey
sumner180 (@sumner180) • Hey
Publications
- Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.
- Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
- Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
- Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
- Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
- Chuck Norris does not need a watch, he decides what time it is.
- Chuck Norris' programs never exit, they terminate.
- Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
- Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
- Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a documentary.
- Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
- Chuck Norris is the ultimate mutex, all threads fear him.
- Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
- In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
- Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.
- The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
- July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? I think not.
- Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
- Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.
- If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
- China lets Chuck Norris search for porn on Google.
- Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks: "Do you want fries with that?". Because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't want fries with anything. Ever.
- The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
- 70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.
- The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
- Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.