strickland121 (@strickland121) • Hey
strickland121 (@strickland121) • Hey
Publications
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
- 4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.
- Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
- When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
- Chuck Norris can access private methods.
- In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
- Chuck Norris? sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.
- Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
- Chuck Norris doesn't do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts.
- Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.
- Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
- Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions and have them return.
- We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
- Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
- Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
- Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.
- Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.
- "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.
- Chuck Norris's database has only one table, 'Kick', which he DROPs frequently.
- Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
- Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
- For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
- Chuck Norris doesn't have pubic hairs because hair doesn't grow on balls of steal.
- Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.
- An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.
- Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.