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The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
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4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.
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Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
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When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
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Chuck Norris can access private methods.
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In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
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Chuck Norris? sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.
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Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
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Chuck Norris doesn't do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts.
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Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.
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Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
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Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions and have them return.
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We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
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Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
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Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
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Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.
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Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off…
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"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.
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Chuck Norris's database has only one table, 'Kick', which he DROPs frequently.
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Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
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Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
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For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
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Chuck Norris doesn't have pubic hairs because hair doesn't grow on balls of steal.
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Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.
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An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.
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Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.
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