spalding372 (@spalding372) • Hey
spalding372 (@spalding372) • Hey
Publications
- When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
- In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
- Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he?s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.
- Chuck Norris can write multi-threaded applications with a single thread.
- Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
- Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
- Knock knock, who's there? Chuck Norris! Chuck Norris who? Sorry, joke is over when Chuck Norris gets involved!
- The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.
- Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
- Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.
- Chuck Norris is the ultimate mutex, all threads fear him.
- Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
- No statement can catch the ChuckNorrisException.
- Faster than a speeding bullet... More powerful than a locomotive... Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... These are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
- The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
- Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.
- Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
- When Chuck Norris throws exceptions, it's across the room.
- The class object inherits from Chuck Norris
- When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
- The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
- A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
- Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
- How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.
- Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
- Chuck Norris doesn't have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
- In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"