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Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
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Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
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Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its…
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Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
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Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
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Bill Gates thinks he's Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris actually laughed. Once.
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Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.
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Chuck Norris can make fire using two ice cubes.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need an OS.
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Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.
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Chuck Norris can access private methods.
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Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
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Chuck Norris' unit tests don't run. They die.
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Chuck Norris doesn't use Oracle, he is the Oracle.
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To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".
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Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
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On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
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Chuck Norris can't test for equality because he has no equal.
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When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.
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Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.
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Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
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Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
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The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
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Chuck Norris's database has only one table, 'Kick', which he DROPs frequently.
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One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.
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