simon978 (@simon978) • Hey
simon978 (@simon978) • Hey
Publications
- Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
- Chuck Norris is the ultimate mutex, all threads fear him.
- Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
- The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
- There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
- July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? I think not.
- It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
- In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.
- In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
- Chuck Norris can write to an output stream.
- Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
- Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.
- Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.
- 182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.
- One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.
- The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
- Chuck Norris doesn't have pubic hairs because hair doesn't grow on balls of steal.
- Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
- Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
- Chuck Norris can lock a safe and keep the key inside it.
- The 11th commandment is ?Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris? This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.
- Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.
- How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.
- The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
- Chuck Norris's beard can type 140 wpm.
- Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
- Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.
- Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.