seaver881 (@seaver881) • Hey
seaver881 (@seaver881) • Hey
Publications
- Chuck Norris's beard can type 140 wpm.
- Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
- Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.
- Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
- A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
- Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
- Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris' basement".
- The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!
- Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
- The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"
- Product Owners never argue with Chuck Norris after he demonstrates the DropKick feature.
- Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
- Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
- When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
- Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.
- Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.
- Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.
- Chuck Norris can access private methods.
- Chuck Norris does not need to type-cast. The Chuck-Norris Compiler (CNC) sees through things. All way down. Always.
- In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
- Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
- Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
- The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
- Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
- Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
- Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
- Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
- President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.