@seaver881's avatar

seaver881.lens

@seaver881

29 Posts
0 Replies
0 Following
9 Followers
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Chuck Norris's beard can type 140 wpm.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris' basement".
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Product Owners never argue with Chuck Norris after he demonstrates the DropKick feature.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
0 Comments
1 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Chuck Norris can access private methods.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Chuck Norris does not need to type-cast. The Chuck-Norris Compiler (CNC) sees through things. All way down. Always.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
1 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island…
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@seaver881's avatar
seaver881.lens
@seaver881
President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors