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MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips. Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
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Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.
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Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.
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Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
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Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
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Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat…
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There is no April 1st in Chuck Norris' calendar, because no one can fool him.
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There is no April 1st in Chuck Norris' calendar, because no one can fool him.
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'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
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Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
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Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need a keyboard he tells the computer to write something and it does.
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While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need to use AJAX because pages are too afraid to postback anyways.
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In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
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Chuck Norris can make onions cry.
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Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
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Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
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Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
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Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
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Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
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Chuck Norris knows the value of NULL, and he can sort by it too.
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When Arnold says "I'll be back" in Terminator movie it is implied that he's going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
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The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.
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Chuck Norris can spawn threads that complete before they are started.
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Chuck Norris once won a game of connect four in 3 moves.
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Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
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Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
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