rider624 (@rider624) • Hey
rider624 (@rider624) • Hey
Publications
- To Chuck Norris, everything contains a vulnerability.
- Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
- In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.
- When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
- Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.
- Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.
- Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.
- Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
- When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
- Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
- Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
- Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.
- Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don?t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
- Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations... ever.
- Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use reflection, reflection asks politely for his help.
- Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
- Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".
- Chuck Norris doesn't win, he allows you to lose.
- Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
- Human cloning is outlawed because of Chuck Norris, because then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
- Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks: "Do you want fries with that?". Because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't want fries with anything. Ever.
- Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
- The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.
- Only Chuck Norris shuts down websites without due process, not SOPA or PIPA.
- Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
- You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.