pitts631 (@pitts631) • Hey
pitts631 (@pitts631) • Hey
Publications
- The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need to use AJAX because pages are too afraid to postback anyways.
- Whiteboards are white because Chuck Norris scared them that way.
- For Chuck Norris, NP-Hard = O(1).
- Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
- As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
- Chuck Norris can't test for equality because he has no equal.
- Chuck Norris does not need a watch, he decides what time it is.
- When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
- It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
- Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
- Chuck Norris does not need to type-cast. The Chuck-Norris Compiler (CNC) sees through things. All way down. Always.
- Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
- 70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.
- Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
- Did you know that Chuck Norris was in every Star Wars movie? He was "The Force".
- When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
- Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Forty seven times.
- Chuck Norris understands every definition in the Oxford Thesaurus, except one - "mercy".
- The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
- In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
- Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
- Product Owners never ask Chuck Norris for more features. They ask for mercy.
- Chuck Norris's keyboard has the Any key.
- Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
- Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.