michaels649 (@michaels649) • Hey
michaels649 (@michaels649) • Hey
Publications
- Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
- Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
- No statement can catch the ChuckNorrisException.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
- When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
- There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
- Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
- Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.
- Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks: "Do you want fries with that?". Because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't want fries with anything. Ever.
- Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle - you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
- When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon.
- That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
- Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."
- Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
- Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.
- Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
- It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
- The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.
- They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris"
- TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.
- How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.