merritt933 (@merritt933) • Hey
merritt933 (@merritt933) • Hey
Publications
- Chuck Norris can install a 64 bit OS on 32 bit machines.
- Tornados occur when Chuck Norris sneezes.
- Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
- Chuck Norris doesn't win, he allows you to lose.
- The 11th commandment is ?Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris? This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.
- When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
- Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
- There was never anything wrong with Achilles' heel until he got mad and decided to kick Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris types with one finger. He points it at the keyboard and the keyboard does the rest.
- When Chuck Norris is web surfing websites get the message "Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?".
- Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
- Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.
- Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.
- Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
- Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
- Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
- There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
- Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked about this glitch, Norris replied "That's no glitch."
- Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a documentary.
- There is in fact an 'I' in Norris, but there is no 'team'. Not even close.
- Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
- Chuck Norris made the sun by rubbing his hands together.
- Chuck Norris? sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.
- After returning from World War 2 unscrathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
- Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder because his roundhouse kicks are recognized as "acts of God."
- Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
- Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.
- Chuck Norris solved the halting problem.