long360.lens

@long360

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Chuck Norris can install iTunes without installing Quicktime.

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Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

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Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.

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Chuck Norris can win in a game of Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun.

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Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.

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Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.

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Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.

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The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst…

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In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.

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Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

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Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.

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Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.

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Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don?t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying…

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If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

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&quot;It works on my machine&quot; always holds true for Chuck Norris.

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There was never anything wrong with Achilles' heel until he got mad and decided to kick Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

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Chuck Norris doesn't win, he allows you to lose.

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Chuck Norris can stand on his head. His dick-head.

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Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.

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Chuck Norris can make fire using two ice cubes.

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Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

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Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

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4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

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The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.

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Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.

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Chuck Norris uses canvas in IE.

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