long360 (@long360) • Hey
long360 (@long360) • Hey
Publications
- Chuck Norris can install iTunes without installing Quicktime.
- Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
- Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.
- Chuck Norris can win in a game of Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun.
- Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.
- Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
- Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
- The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
- In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
- Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
- Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
- Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
- Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don?t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
- If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
- "It works on my machine" always holds true for Chuck Norris.
- There was never anything wrong with Achilles' heel until he got mad and decided to kick Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
- Chuck Norris doesn't win, he allows you to lose.
- Chuck Norris can stand on his head. His dick-head.
- Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
- Chuck Norris can make fire using two ice cubes.
- Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
- Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
- 4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.
- The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.
- Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
- Chuck Norris uses canvas in IE.