jordan588 (@jordan588) • Hey
jordan588 (@jordan588) • Hey
Publications
- Chuck Norris can spawn threads that complete before they are started.
- Did you know that Chuck Norris was in every Star Wars movie? He was "The Force".
- Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
- Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
- Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.
- Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.
- The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the first chapter.
- MySpace actually isn't your space, it's Chuck's (he just lets you use it).
- Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
- Chuck Norris's OSI network model has only one layer - Physical.
- When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon.
- Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
- Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.
- Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
- Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
- Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.
- Chuck Norris does not need a watch, he decides what time it is.
- When Arnold says "I'll be back" in Terminator movie it is implied that he's going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
- Chuck Norris can retrieve anything from /dev/null.
- When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
- Chuck Norris doesn't have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
- If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
- Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.
- If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
- Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
- Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.
- Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
- Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
- Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.