jeffries608 (@jeffries608) • Hey

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Chuck Norris can lock a safe and keep the key inside it.
Chuck Norris does not need to type-cast. The Chuck-Norris Compiler (CNC) sees through things. All way down. Always.
Code runs faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.
The Bible was originally titled &quot;Chuck Norris and Friends&quot;
Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
Chuck Norris solved the Travelling Salesman problem in O(1) time. Here's the pseudo-code: Break salesman into N pieces. Kick each piece to a different city.
MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.
Chuck Norris can install a 64 bit OS on 32 bit machines.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a keyboard he tells the computer to write something and it does.
The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him &quot;a promising Rookie&quot;.
Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.
Chuck Norris can read from an input stream.