james105 (@james105) • Hey
james105 (@james105) • Hey
Publications
- Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.
- If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
- You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
- In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.
- Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.
- Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
- Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.
- Chuck Norris can remember the future.
- Tornados occur when Chuck Norris sneezes.
- Chuck Norris made the sun by rubbing his hands together.
- Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
- When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
- A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
- Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
- A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
- Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.
- Chuck Norris' dick is so big, it has it's own dick, and that dick is still bigger than yours.
- Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
- Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode.
- Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
- The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the "pie" was the molten crater of an active volcano.
- MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips. Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
- Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
- Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
- Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.