james105.lens

@james105

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Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.

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If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.

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You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find…

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In the movie &quot;The Matrix&quot;, Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green &quot;falling code&quot; scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his…

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Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.

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Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.

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Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.

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Chuck Norris can remember the future.

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Tornados occur when Chuck Norris sneezes.

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Chuck Norris made the sun by rubbing his hands together.

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Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

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When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

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A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.

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Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris…

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A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.

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Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.

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Chuck Norris' dick is so big, it has it's own dick, and that dick is still bigger than yours.

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Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.

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Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode.

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Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

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The pie scene in &quot;American Pie&quot; is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the &quot;pie&quot; was the molten crater of…

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MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips. Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

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Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.

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Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

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Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.

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