jacobs546 (@jacobs546) • Hey
Checking things out!
Publications
- "It works on my machine" always holds true for Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
- The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
- Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
- Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
- Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
- When Chuck Norris throws exceptions, it's across the room.
- There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.
- With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need an account. He just logs in.
- Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
- Chuck Norris can taste lies.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need sudo, he just types "Chuck Norris" before his commands.
- You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
- If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
- "Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.
- Chuck Norris hosting is 101% uptime guaranteed.
- Chuck Norris does not need to type-cast. The Chuck-Norris Compiler (CNC) sees through things. All way down. Always.
- Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
- July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? I think not.
- Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
- When Chuck Norris is web surfing websites get the message "Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?".
- Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- How many Chuck Norris require to screw a light bulb? None, he will screw it all.
- Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
- The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
- Chuck Norris is the ultimate mutex, all threads fear him.
- Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
- Chuck Norris can instantiate an abstract class.
- The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.