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@jacobs546

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"It works on my machine" always holds true for Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's…
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The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
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Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
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Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
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Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
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When Chuck Norris throws exceptions, it's across the room.
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There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.
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With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need an account. He just logs in.
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Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
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Chuck Norris can taste lies.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need sudo, he just types "Chuck Norris" before his commands.
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You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find…
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If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
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"Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.
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Chuck Norris hosting is 101% uptime guaranteed.
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Chuck Norris does not need to type-cast. The Chuck-Norris Compiler (CNC) sees through things. All way down. Always.
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Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
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July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? I think not.
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Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
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When Chuck Norris is web surfing websites get the message "Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?".
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Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
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How many Chuck Norris require to screw a light bulb? None, he will screw it all.
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Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
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The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
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Chuck Norris is the ultimate mutex, all threads fear him.
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Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
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Chuck Norris can instantiate an abstract class.
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The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a…
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