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"It works on my machine" always holds true for Chuck Norris.
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President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
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Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
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When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
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Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
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Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
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Chuck Norris doesn't have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
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When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
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Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with…
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Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb…
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Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of…
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Chuck Norris's OSI network model has only one layer - Physical.
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On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
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Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode.
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Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
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Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
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For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
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MySpace actually isn't your space, it's Chuck's (he just lets you use it).
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Chuck Norris hosting is 101% uptime guaranteed.
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Chuck Norris tears can cure the cancer, but the sad thing is Chuck Norris never cries.
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Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
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With Chuck Norris P = NP. There's no nondeterminism with Chuck Norris decisions.
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Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.
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Chuck Norris is actually the front man for Apple. He let's Steve Jobs run the show when he's on a mission. Chuck Norris is always on a mission.
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When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
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Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
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Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.
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