hobson752 (@hobson752) • Hey
hobson752 (@hobson752) • Hey
Publications
- Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
- Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
- When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
- Chuck Norris can unit test entire applications with a single assert.
- The only sure things are Death and Taxes and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
- Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
- There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
- Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
- All arrays Chuck Norris declares are of infinite size, because Chuck Norris knows no bounds.
- Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
- Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.
- A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
- Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
- Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
- "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.
- Chuck Norris doesn't pair program.
- Once death had a near Chuck Norris experience.
- Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
- Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
- Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks: "Do you want fries with that?". Because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't want fries with anything. Ever.
- According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.
- Chuck Norris eats lightning and shits out thunder.
- Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
- In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.
- The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
- Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... A suicide.