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Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the…
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Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of…
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When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
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Chuck Norris can unit test entire applications with a single assert.
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The only sure things are Death and Taxes and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
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Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
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There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
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Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
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All arrays Chuck Norris declares are of infinite size, because Chuck Norris knows no bounds.
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Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
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Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.
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A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
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Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
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Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the…
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"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.
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Chuck Norris doesn't pair program.
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Once death had a near Chuck Norris experience.
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Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
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Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of…
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Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks: "Do you want fries with that?". Because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't want fries with anything. Ever.
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According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.
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Chuck Norris eats lightning and shits out thunder.
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Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
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In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.
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The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
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Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... A suicide.
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