hightower827 (@hightower827) • Hey
hightower827 (@hightower827) • Hey
Publications
- Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
- Chuck Norris can install iTunes without installing Quicktime.
- The Chuck Norris Eclipse plugin made alien contact.
- An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.
- There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
- Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
- Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
- Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
- There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
- Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
- The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
- Chuck Norris could use anything in java.util.* to kill you, including the javadocs.
- Chuck Norris can lock a safe and keep the key inside it.
- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
- Chuck Norris can unit test entire applications with a single assert.
- Chuck Norris once pissed in a gas tank of a semi truck as a joke - that truck is now know as Optimus Prime.
- A handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
- In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
- Chuck Norris can over-write a locked variable.
- As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
- Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
- The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
- Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
- To Chuck Norris, everything contains a vulnerability.
- Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.
- When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.