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@haywood825

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Chuck Norris doesn't turn on his faucet, he stares at it until it cries.
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Chuck Norris can binary search unsorted data.
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Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.
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Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
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Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
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Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
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Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
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The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
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If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
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Chuck Norris doesn't use a computer because a computer does everything slower than Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need an account. He just logs in.
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Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick).
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Once death had a near Chuck Norris experience.
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If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always answers "Two seconds till". After you ask "Two seconds to what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
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Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother's womb.
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Chuck Norris is actually the front man for Apple. He let's Steve Jobs run the show when he's on a mission. Chuck Norris is always on a mission.
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MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
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The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
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In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
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Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.
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Chuck Norris' dick is so big, it has it's own dick, and that dick is still bigger than yours.
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One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
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Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
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Chuck Norris plays pool with comets and astroids. He shoots them into black holes.
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