haden479 (@haden479) • Hey
haden479 (@haden479) • Hey
Publications
- Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
- Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
- 4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.
- Chuck Norris can overflow your stack just by looking at it.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.
- Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
- How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
- After returning from World War 2 unscrathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
- According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.
- The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.
- The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
- When Chuck Norris throws exceptions, it's across the room.
- A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
- There?s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
- 4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.
- Chuck Norris can make a class that is both abstract and final.
- Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
- Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
- When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
- Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
- "Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.
- Chuck Norris died before 20 years, Death doesn't have the courage to tell him yet.
- It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need garbage collection because he doesn't call .Dispose(), he calls .DropKick().
- Code runs faster when Chuck Norris watches it.