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Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
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Chuck Norris died before 20 years, Death doesn't have the courage to tell him yet.
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When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.
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Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off…
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Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
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They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
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When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries…
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When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
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Chuck Norris' programs never exit, they terminate.
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There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.
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When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
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The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
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It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
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Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.
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There?s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
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Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
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Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
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Chuck Norris does not need to know about class factory pattern. He can instantiate interfaces.
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Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
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Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.
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Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
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A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
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Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
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Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
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Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
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