freeman746 (@freeman746) • Hey
freeman746 (@freeman746) • Hey
Publications
- Chuck Norris describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".
- Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.
- Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
- Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
- When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
- Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
- If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
- Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
- In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
- The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the first chapter.
- The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
- Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
- In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
- Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
- The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
- Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
- The pen is mightier than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.
- Chuck Norris can read from an input stream.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
- If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
- Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
- Chuck Norris doesn't have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
- Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
- On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck givet
- Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.