duke982 (@duke982) • Hey
duke982 (@duke982) • Hey
Publications
- How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
- Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
- Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.
- Chuck Norris is actually the front man for Apple. He let's Steve Jobs run the show when he's on a mission. Chuck Norris is always on a mission.
- The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
- In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.
- Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.
- How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.
- Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".
- Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
- Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.
- Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
- Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
- When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.
- Chuck Norris solved the halting problem.
- According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.
- Chuck Norris burst the dot com bubble.
- Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.
- Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
- There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
- In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
- Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
- In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
- Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder because his roundhouse kicks are recognized as "acts of God."