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How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
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Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
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Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.
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Chuck Norris is actually the front man for Apple. He let's Steve Jobs run the show when he's on a mission. Chuck Norris is always on a mission.
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The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
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In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.
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Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.
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How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.
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Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".
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Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
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Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.
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Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
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Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
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When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume…
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Chuck Norris solved the halting problem.
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According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.
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Chuck Norris burst the dot com bubble.
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Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.
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Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
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There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
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In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
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Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
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In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
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Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder because his roundhouse kicks are recognized as "acts of God."
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