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Once a police officer caught Chuck Norris, the cop was lucky enough to escape with a warning.
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One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
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After returning from World War 2 unscrathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
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Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.
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If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
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Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
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Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
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For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
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Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
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Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
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Chuck Norris doesn't needs try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need a keyboard he tells the computer to write something and it does.
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Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.
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There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
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Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
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Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card,…
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Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need garbage collection because he doesn't call .Dispose(), he calls .DropKick().
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Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
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Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.
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If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
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It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
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Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.
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Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
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It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
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