davis308 (@davis308) • Hey
davis308 (@davis308) • Hey
Publications
- Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.
- Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
- Knock knock, who's there? Chuck Norris! Chuck Norris who? Sorry, joke is over when Chuck Norris gets involved!
- Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.
- Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use Oracle, he is the Oracle.
- Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.
- They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
- When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses.
- When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.
- When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
- Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
- Chuck Norris's keyboard has the Any key.
- Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
- Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.
- Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.
- Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
- Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.
- Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
- Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
- Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
- Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
- The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
- A diff between your code and Chuck Norris's is infinite.