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There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
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If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", they also spell "Crush Rock In". The words "with his fists" are understood.
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Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
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Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.
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It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
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One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
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How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
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Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
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No one has ever spoken during review of Chuck Norris' code and lived to tell about it.
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For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
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As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
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Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
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In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
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Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
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Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
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Chuck Norris can write multi-threaded applications with a single thread.
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The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
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Whiteboards are white because Chuck Norris scared them that way.
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Chuck Norris's log statements are always at the FATAL level.
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Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.
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With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
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Chuck Norris doesn't needs try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise.
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Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
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When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
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Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
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