chance662 (@chance662) • Hey
chance662 (@chance662) • Hey
Publications
- Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe with eleven herbs and spices. Nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
- Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
- Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can make a class that is both abstract and final.
- Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
- Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
- Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
- Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.
- Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
- There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
- When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
- Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
- Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
- Dark spots on the Moon are the result of Chuck Norris' shooting practice.
- Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.
- Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
- Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.
- Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
- When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
- Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
- MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips. Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
- Chuck Norris types with one finger. He points it at the keyboard and the keyboard does the rest.
- When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
- CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
- Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.
- Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.