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Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe with eleven herbs and spices. Nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
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Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
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Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can make a class that is both abstract and final.
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Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
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Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
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Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
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Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.
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Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
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There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
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When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries…
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Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
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Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
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Dark spots on the Moon are the result of Chuck Norris' shooting practice.
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Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.
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Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
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Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.
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Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
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When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
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Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
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MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips. Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
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Chuck Norris types with one finger. He points it at the keyboard and the keyboard does the rest.
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When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
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CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
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Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.
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Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
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