bond458 (@bond458) • Hey
bond458 (@bond458) • Hey
Publications
- Chuck Norris already went to Moon and Mars, that's why there are no signs of life.
- Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
- After returning from World War 2 unscrathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
- Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
- Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
- Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don?t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
- Code runs faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
- Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need an OS.
- Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.
- Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
- Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.
- Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
- Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need a keyboard he tells the computer to write something and it does.
- The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
- Chuck Norris doesn't needs try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise.
- Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
- A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
- Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
- Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
- Chuck Norris compresses his files by doing a flying round house kick to the hard drive.
- As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
- Chuck Norris can install iTunes without installing Quicktime.
- Chuck Norris doesn't turn on his faucet, he stares at it until it cries.
- When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.