@bond458's avatar

bond458.lens

@bond458

27 Posts
0 Replies
0 Following
11 Followers
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
Chuck Norris already went to Moon and Mars, that's why there are no signs of life.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
After returning from World War 2 unscrathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don?t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying…
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
Code runs faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
Chuck Norris doesn't need an OS.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
Chuck Norris doesn't need a keyboard he tells the computer to write something and it does.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
Chuck Norris doesn't needs try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
Chuck Norris compresses his files by doing a flying round house kick to the hard drive.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
Chuck Norris can install iTunes without installing Quicktime.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
Chuck Norris doesn't turn on his faucet, he stares at it until it cries.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors
@bond458's avatar
bond458.lens
@bond458
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
0 Comments
0 Likes
0 Collects
0 Mirrors