bates413 (@bates413) • Hey
bates413 (@bates413) • Hey
Publications
- How many Chuck Norris require to screw a light bulb? None, he will screw it all.
- Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris"
- Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
- The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
- Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don?t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
- Only Chuck Norris shuts down websites without due process, not SOPA or PIPA.
- Chuck Norris can compile syntax errors.
- If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
- China lets Chuck Norris search for porn on Google.
- Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel.
- Chuck Norris's programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.
- According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.
- Chuck Norris went out of an infinite loop.
- The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
- Every SQL statement that Chuck Norris codes has an implicit "COMMIT" in its end.
- For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
- When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.
- Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.
- Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
- There is no Esc key on Chuck Norris' keyboard, because no one escapes Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
- There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
- Chuck Norris can taste lies.
- Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need a keyboard he tells the computer to write something and it does.
- The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.