barlow664 (@barlow664) • Hey
barlow664 (@barlow664) • Hey
Publications
- Product Owners never ask Chuck Norris for more features. They ask for mercy.
- Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
- Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
- There was never anything wrong with Achilles' heel until he got mad and decided to kick Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
- It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.
- Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
- If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
- Product Owners never ask Chuck Norris for more features. They ask for mercy.
- Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
- Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
- Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.
- Chuck Norris can unit test entire applications with a single assert.
- If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", they also spell "Crush Rock In". The words "with his fists" are understood.
- Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
- Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions and have them return.
- Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
- Chuck Norris's keyboard has the Any key.
- Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
- When Chuck Norris throws exceptions, it's across the room.
- It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
- Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
- Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.
- Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.
- Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
- Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
- Only Chuck Norris shuts down websites without due process, not SOPA or PIPA.
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.