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In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
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Only Chuck Norris shuts down websites without due process, not SOPA or PIPA.
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Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
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Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
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When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
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Chuck Norris solved the Travelling Salesman problem in O(1) time. Here's the pseudo-code: Break salesman into N pieces. Kick each piece to a different city.
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Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.
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Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
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Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
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Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his…
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Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
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The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
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A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
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Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
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Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.
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Bill Gates thinks he's Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris actually laughed. Once.
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Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
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The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
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Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
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Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.
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As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972…
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Tornados occur when Chuck Norris sneezes.
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When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
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MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
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When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.
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