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Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
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When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
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Chuck Norris protocol design method has no status, requests or responses, only commands.
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Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
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Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
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There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
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Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.
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If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always answers "Two seconds till". After you ask "Two seconds to what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
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In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
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Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
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Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don?t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying…
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When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay…
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It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
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Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
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Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
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There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.
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Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van…
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When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
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Whiteboards are white because Chuck Norris scared them that way.
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Once Chuck Norris and Superman had a competition. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants.
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Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
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Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
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No statement can catch the ChuckNorrisException.
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Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.
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Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.
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Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
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They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue and eat him.
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Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
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