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Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
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There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
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If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
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Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
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Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat…
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Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.
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Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
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Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
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In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
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CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
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4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.
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The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
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Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
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Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
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Chuck Norris? roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
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Chuck Norris programs do not accept input.
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Chuck Norris doesn't use Oracle, he is the Oracle.
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Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some…
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Chuck Norris' unit tests don't run. They die.
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Chuck Norris does not need a watch, he decides what time it is.
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If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
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Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
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Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.
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Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
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The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
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Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
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