bagley933 (@bagley933) • Hey
bagley933 (@bagley933) • Hey
Publications
- Chuck Norris made the sun by rubbing his hands together.
- Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.
- Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
- When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
- How many Chuck Norris require to screw a light bulb? None, he will screw it all.
- Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes. He disembowels them.
- According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.
- Chuck Norris can retrieve anything from /dev/null.
- Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.
- Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
- Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris could use anything in java.util.* to kill you, including the javadocs.
- Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
- Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
- Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
- Product Owners never argue with Chuck Norris after he demonstrates the DropKick feature.
- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
- Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
- Once Chuck Norris and Superman had a competition. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants.
- Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
- Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
- Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground
- Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
- Chuck Norris can remember the future.
- For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.
- Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.